Church After Birth

Let me paint a picture for you: a young family sits together in the front pew of a church. They stand and sing when appropriate and sit when asked. The husband wraps his arm around his wife who is holding their quiet, happy newborn baby. If the baby ever starts to fuss, the mother knows exactly what to do and quiets her down quickly. If the baby needs to nurse, that isn't a big deal either; the mother will just quietly leave the sanctuary and go to the nursery to nurse. After the feeding, the mother and child slip back into the sanctuary without making a peep. The father wraps his arm back around the mother as the service continues. They leave happy, spiritually filled, and totally at peace.

This is the picture I had in my head of what church would look like after having a baby.

It doesn't. It looks more like this:

I set my alarm early and pray that it doesn't wake the baby so I have time to shower and get dressed before she needs my full attention. Sometimes she sleeps; sometimes she doesn't. I quickly get her ready for church, grab a muffin and sippy cup of milk and put her in the car so we can get to church early for early service. We leave the house by 8:00 at the latest. We get to church and I put her sippy cup in the fridge and shake off the crumbs of the muffin she ate in the car the best I can. I feel guilty that she had to eat in the car, and then realize I didn't eat at all so it could be worse. I try to find something to entertain her with for the few minutes I have to find my page numbers before church starts (did I mention I lead worship?). My husband, the student minister at our church, is busy in the back getting his Children's Church PowerPoint loaded. People start coming in and talking to my daughter. Sometimes she smiles at them, other times she grumpily ignores them. She won't let any of them hold her. Church starts and I pass her off to my husband while I go to lead music. She whines a little as I pass him off, but he gives her a pacifier to quiet her. Again I feel guilt's sting when I see her with the paci as we have been trying to wean her off of it at home, but know that it is better than her crying right now. I take the baby back as my husband goes up to do announcements. This is immediately followed by a song, so we pass the baby off another time. He holds her until the song is over, and I take her back so she can have some mommy time. She starts to fuss and my husband takes her to the nursery. I finish up singing my songs, and move to the back pew so I can be discreet if I need to step out. I hear the first few minutes of the sermon, and then the bloodcurdling cry of my child. I pick her up from the nursery and put her in the back pew with me, wiping tears off her face. She plays with the bibles on the back of the pew along with the hymnals, anything BUT the numerous toys and books I packed to distract her with. I look around to make sure she isn't distracting any of the other churchgoers. Every now and then she lets out a few coos. "Is that too distracting? Should I take her out?" I wonder to myself. She stays quiet for a few minutes, and then starts to full-on fuss. I move to the back vestibule where I can still hear the last few minutes of the sermon and walk and bounce her around until it is time for the invitation and for me to lead the final song. This time I take her with me and hold her so that I don't upset her again, and then it is time for Sunday School. I stay in the nursery with her during this time, just so she can play and have mommy there for some normalcy, and then it is time to repeat the process all over for the 11 o'clock service.

Is it worth it?

So many times this question has entered into my mind and each time, thankfully, the Lord answers with an enthusiastic yes. 

Mommas of littles, it may not always seem like it, but you are assisting the Lord in building a firm foundation for your child's spiritual growth. One of the major building blocks in your child's spiritual life is being a part of a body of believers on a regular basis. I would argue that it is what God wants us as Christians to do and, thus, is important for our children to be a part of even from the earliest of ages.

But let's get real here, when your child is an infant or young toddler like my Sarah Parker, they are not the ones getting anything out of church. A mother's attention needs to be on making sure her child's needs are being met, but your spiritual needs are also important and need to be met as well. If you are not in the right place spiritually, how do you expect to serve the Lord in your family?

I do not claim to be an expert on this topic, as I am still just learning what works myself. I do know this: church with a baby can be hard. I also know that there are ways to make it easier for all parties involved. Here are a few tips I have picked up along the way.

Don't Have Too High of Expectations
When I was pregnant, Wes and I discussed at length what church experience we wanted for our child. We decided that, from a purely spiritual standpoint, we wanted our daughter to be in the sanctuary as much as possible. We both realize how great of a spiritual asset the nursery can be for parents, but we wanted to go a slightly different route. I honestly thought it would be no big deal, entertaining and keeping a little one quiet. Boy, was I wrong! Admittedly, this task is getting easier now that Spark is a little older, but for a while there, she was either screaming or babbling uncontrollably. That is when we started to utilize the nursery more, but oftentimes my clingy baby would have nothing of it. It honestly stressed me out so much at first, until I decided I wouldn't let it. We still want Sarah Parker to be in the worship service as much as possible, but have no problem taking her in the nursery for a few minutes if need be. She is a toddler who needs to play, after all! And if she cries while in the nursery, I refuse to let that stress me out either. I will just pick her up and let her be with me. In the beginning I was so concerned about how other people viewed this, but now I don't care, frankly. Wes and I will continue to do what is best for our child and family.

Don't Just Go Through the Motions
There are some Sunday mornings when it would be much easier to be in bed. Those are the times you need to be with God the most, I'm convinced. This past Sunday was like that for me, but I focused my attention on the why of going to church and then tried to focus all my energy into worship. To be completely honest, focusing in general is more strained when you are making sure your child isn't playing with an outlet, but it is possible. Whatever you do, don't just show up. Make sure you are all there, mind, body, and spirit, to the best of your ability. And if you have to focus on your child over the service for a few minutes, remember that God has called you to serve them as well! It may not seem like it, but bouncing, tying shoes, and wiping noses is an act of worship too if you are in the right frame of mind.

I read this verse while rocking my baby in the nursery this past Sunday morning, and it spoke so clearly to my heart:

"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

It is possible, and even common to be serving other gods inside the walls of the Lord's house. But, as Joshua stated so boldly, I will choose every day (even on busy, stressful days) to actively serve my God! I encourage you to do the same.

Ask for Encouragement
I remember so specifically one Sunday a few months ago that we had a bad morning. The details of the beginning of the day now evade me, but I remember walking with Sarah Parker in the back vestibule feeling completely empty, disheartened, and spent. My pastor Grant's sermon that day was on Godly encouragement, and as he closed the lesson, my heart in its tattered state called out to the Lord, "God, please let me be encouraged."

A few mere minutes later, an older lady of the church approached me and told me that our family was an inspiration to her. That she could she our efforts and knew that God would bless them. She pointed to my child and noted that it wasn't easy, but that in the end it would be worth it. She knew how it felt because her kids were once little, but now are all successful, God-fearing adults.

I just blinked at her with tears in my eyes, babbling off a thank you. I was so amazed that God spoke through her exactly what I needed to hear, just a few minutes after asking for His help. While results aren't guaranteed to be as evident as in my experience, God tells us over and over again in scripture that if we ask in His name, He will gladly give to us. Encouragement is fuel to help you fight the battle of motherhood, and I am confident that God will work to provide it to you.

Supplement Your Growth and Praise
As I noted earlier, sometimes a mother's focus is not 100% on the sermon at church. If and when this is the case, it is so vital for moms to supplement their spiritual resources. Every believer should be in God's word daily, especially tired mommas who are susceptible to Satan's attacks. There are also a wealth of resources to help your growth; books, pod casts, even YouTube videos of sound teachers. One of the things I love to do is listen to music that points heavenward. One of my favorite Spotify playlists to listen to at the moment is called "Hymns for Hipsters"- I really recommend it!

Whatever you choose to do to help supplement your spiritual life, I urge you to measure it up against the Bible's teachings. False teacher often sound good, but compared to the true Word of Life they should be easy to spot!

Come with Open Hands
For my final and perhaps most important point, I ask that each time you come to church you do so wanting and expecting to be fed. Each and every time. This may seem impossible with all the interruptions and distractions, but let me assure you that our God is able to overcome all of that! I can personally testify that in the past year I have received more blessings and lessons from God in the hymns I've sang trying to calm my baby in the nursery, the partial sermons I've heard before the crying started, and the quiet moments with God as I rocked my baby during Sunday School than I ever could have imagined. Again, if you ask God and are expectant of His answer, He will always show up- even in the most unlikely of places. Know that your role as a mother is your mission field, and by performing your motherly duties with a clean heart you are in the center of God's will for your life. Week after week, come to your Father's house with open hands, and He will give you the bread of life.

Nothing about motherhood is easy, and many of our roles change after giving birth. Again I say with a full heart, it will be worth it! Furthermore, church may look a little different after birth, but I believe it can be even more meaningful.

How to Survive Vacation with a Toddler: While You're There

This is the third and final post in a series I've written about tips for taking a toddler on vacation. You can find the first post here and second post here. And now for the fun stuff: what we actually did on our vacation.

Admittedly, this was the portion of the trip I planned for the least. I knew Sarah Parker would have a blast no matter what we did, and wanted to play each moment by ear to see what suited her best. I did, however, make a few preparations before leaving.

When we took Sarah Parker on vacation when she was only a few weeks old, we brought her baby bath tub with us to the beach. If you have a tiny baby, I highly recommend this, because she LOVED it! We didn't end up putting any water in her tub, but it served more as a very easy to clean bassinet. Had she have been older and able to splash, I totally would have filled it with water and let her have her own swimming pool. Since that was such a hit last year, I decided to use the same method this year. Wes and I went back and forth trying to decide if we should take the bath tub again, which she is almost too big for, or a bigger, kiddie paddling pool. We ended up deciding the latter. In hindsight, I wish we had gone for the tub route again. The paddling pool was the perfect place for Spark to splash around when we wanted a break from swimming in the ocean, but it was very heavy for Wes to drag on the sand after filling it with water from the ocean. Also, it gave Sarah Parker a lot more room and freedom, and I was paranoid that she would fall in if I wasn't holding on to her the whole time. I think if I had taken the tub where she could still splash but not move around, I would have been able to relax a little more. Finally, after our week's worth of dragging, splashing, and transporting, the pool got completely dented and ruined. So, with that said, for our newly one-year-old, I would have stuck to the baby tub; however, next year when she is bigger, I think the kiddie pool will be perfect!

For the past three months or so, Sarah Parker has been a pretty regular 10 o'clock napper. I was worried how this would work at the beach since after eating breakfast and getting ready, that ended up being about the time the rest of my family would be ready to head to the ocean. Early in the week, I decided I would try to get Sarah Parker to fall asleep on the way to the beach, and then just hold her on the sand until she woke up. I really, really ended up liking this strategy. We stayed in a campground that allows golf carts, so Wes and I would get ready and then ride around on the cart with Spark around her nap time until she fell asleep. Then, we would drive to the beach and I would hold her while relaxing under the umbrella until she woke up. Of course she would always wake up happy because, hey, she was at the beach! It worked ev.er.y time. And on that note, whenever we wanted to get her to sleep, we would just go for a ride on the golf cart. Seriously, every nap or bed time we would go for a ride and she would very quickly fall asleep. I suggest staying somewhere where you can ride or rent a golf cart because they are baby nap magic and helped to keep her sleeping schedule normal. We contemplated buying one for back home :)

Sarah Parker had an absolute blast! She loved every part of the beach- especially the ocean waves. Wes and I also had so, so much fun. One day near the end of our trip, as Spark was splashing in the water, I gushed to him that people only think they are having fun at the beach unless they are their with their child. It was such a pleasure to see all of the familiar sights through her innocent eyes. And, with our planning, we had almost no hang ups! Family time is such a blessing, and we can't wait for our next adventure.