I'm a Different Type of Mother Than I Thought I Would Be

I've always been a big proponent of tough love. As I read back over those words, I realize how ridiculous they sound, but they are still true nonetheless. I love tough love. I remember my mother-in-law telling a story of when we were both volunteering in the nursery, far before her son and I even thought about dating. Apparently, one child was doing something I thought they shouldn't be and I was able to make him stop just by giving him "the look". She told me this to assure me that she knew I was going to be a good mother, though maybe just a touch harsh. I took it as a compliment at the time.

I've worked with children for the majority of my life and have always had a no-monkey-business philosophy. I wanted all of them to enjoy themselves in the freedom of my guidelines, no doubt, but if any of them were to step out of bounds I have never been afraid to get a little mean to get my point across.

When I became pregnant and began focusing on how I was going to parent my child, I fell back on this tough love philosophy. Co-sleeping? Never. Cry it out method? Probably. Eating on demand? No, I will need a schedule. I was fully convinced that I would have this baby trained in only a few weeks (insert laugh track here).

I'll give you the perfect example. Throughout my pregnancy, it seemed like people were obsessed  concerned with where my baby would sleep once she was born. My grandma sweetly persisted that I take the cradle she had in her basement. My mother asked if I wanted a rock-and-play sleeper to put the baby in. Several people offered me Moses baskets. To each person, I politely declined.
"No thanks," I would say, "I am just going to put her in her crib from the start. Her room is only a few steps from ours, and that way she won't get attached sleeping anywhere else." I knew it would be harder on the baby, but I thought it would be easier for me and everyone else in the long run.

Then, on June 16th, 2015 the nurse handed me my 8 pound 1 ounce baby girl and the Lord changed every parenting notion I ever had.

The day we were set to come home from the hospital, I called my mom nearly in tears.
"Mom, I have just been thinking about when we come home, and her room is so far away and it is so hot up there. Do you think you could pick up one of the rock-n-play sleeper things?"

Sarah Parker slept right beside me in her sleeper until she outgrew it. Then, I asked Wes to move her crib right next to our bed so she could sleep there. Now that she is bigger, most nights she ends up in the bed with us. So much for tough love.

My parenting ideal changes have not stopped at just sleeping arrangements. Google "attachment parenting", and you will probably find a picture of me and my child glued to my hip or in her Tula carrier. I frankly am astonished at how God has used Spark to change my heart. Even my mother says "you are a lot sweeter than I thought you would be." Now THAT is something I take as a compliment now!

Don't get me wrong, I know that tough love is needed because it is a form of love. I am sure that as we transition into the toddler years, I will have to get a little mean at times for the sake of disciplining and molding my child into a godly woman. I also know that I won't always get the balance of tough and sweet love, or judgment and grace, if you will, right every time. But, when I do inevitably fail, I hope that more times than not I err on the side of grace.